I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
