i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I smell like Dick and happiness
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
