I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
two words...techno handjob
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You are a genius and a whore.
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