P.S. I can't hear my feet
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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