White coat. Heels.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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