So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
