my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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