tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
