So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize