I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
