Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
