you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
