What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
