Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
