EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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