Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
