i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
