she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
vagina is talking i cant
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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