shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
