I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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