dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
