she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
