one might say we're banned from that church
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
