can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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