i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
