did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
