It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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