The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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