Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
