I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
