the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
