As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Randomize