he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
