Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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