The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
