No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
