I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
