i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
