I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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