i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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