My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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