The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I will pee on everything he values.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
