even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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