Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
