I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize