So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
