That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize