i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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