i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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