Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize