don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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