3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
