im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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