he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
