Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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