I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize