not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
