I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
