my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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