Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
