She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
