And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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