I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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