i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
