He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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