The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I accidentally burped into my bong.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
