and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize