Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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