I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
